Across these sad waters and across my heart

I´ve been caught up in a big, booming wave of my own emotions for a while now. And it was a painful time for me; I was so close to drowning. I was swirling around in utter black darkness, fully confused about the meaning of all these things. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason, and I just couldn’t figure out for what reasons this Incident happened to me. I just couldnt get a hold of why it happened to me out of all people.

And I prayed to god to tell me why it happened to me, and I also thanked him. Although I was broken, I thanked him. I thanked him in advance for the pain. Because I knew that I would get over it -him- eventually. Just not yet, but I knew I would. And I knew that I would learn a lot from this experience. That was five weeks ago. I´ve grown up so much in these days after The Incident. And I got the answer to my question: Why me? It happened to me because I felt overly confident, I thought only about myself, how I was worthy enough for someone like him, I was being selfish. I jumped into the water without thinking about its depth and my non-existant swimming skills.

And after all this time, the bubbling water took me in as one of its own. And I learned to swim with the creatures I once feared, and they helped me get back to the shore. And now I am back, but I know how to swim. Yes, I have wrinkly skin and wounds from my struggle, but thats nothing a swab of cream can’t cure. 😉

I´m back with alot of experiences that I would like to share with you, and through out this whole dramatic experience, I figured out how to take care of myself, and what works for me,and how to use what I got to look decent enough for my judgemental self to shut up. So just comment down below what you want to know or read, because this is a new start and I need some help here. ((And like always,I would enjoy some feedback from my loyal readers.I rarely get any))

all the love

xoxo,Antonia

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5 thoughts on “Across these sad waters and across my heart

  1. Hey Antonia, I am really really impressed by your article. I am so so jealous of your skillz. you should be very very proud of them. I would really really enjoy to hear of THE INCIDENT… `O´ -L

  2. Thank you so much for sharing this article. It’s very well written and all the symbols and pictures that you used to express your feelings were just beautiful.
    I’ve experienced a lot of pain in the last past years and I felt that way too. But the time after the pain made me to the strongest person I’ve ever been and I’m truly thankful for everything that happened to me.
    I wish you hope, love and strength.

    Judith xx

    • It’s sometimes hard to remember that I’m not the only one who goes through this,but we all just have to remind each other that we are not as alone as we think we are.
      Thankyou for the sweet feedback!
      All the best wishes,stay strong
      xoxo,Antonia

  3. That was so emotional and beautiful. You are so talented with words, and the way you express yourself is so admirable. Thank you for being who you are.

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